Trust Yourself – The I AM THIS I AM

Confessions.

Getting personal…

Long ago when still Seeking, I followed a system of a Spiritual Tradition.

I was done with the 🌎

Ready to leave All of It behind me.

My only goal was to Seek and Find.

I didn’t Arrive at the End station, but I experienced Stopping of the World.

What do I mean by that?

I mean, all and everything that I think and believe about the World, Life and MySelf crumbled down. It lost its meaning. All gone.

That System was the End Station for many.

Not for me.

I started to Follow the Magical Path

Unsure, scared

“What name shall I call God for?”

Something kept Pulling me further into another Void

Seeking a new form, something Truthful and Authentic to Stand On

I Only wanted to merge with The All that IS.

And disappear…

Life had another plan.

Landed back to the World, estranged from it and without an idea of Who I am in it.

Tried to manifest the Image and feeling I had somewhere Within. To make i Alive!

Got a family, lived an ordinary life, trying to fit in. To realize What Is It I AM Here For? Taught what I had learned. To Share. To BE for Service…

Desperate to keep What I Had solid…

Yet there was part of me missing in that Image I lived in. Not All of me landed in it. However hard I tried. I wasn’t able to be totally HERE.

I kept on making drawings about Some One, I had no idea who I was drawing. I even saw a Thought “Do You know Who You are Drawing”? I Did not.

The attempts to build a so called Ideal and Solid Life crumbled down like a Tower hit by 🌩️ ⚡

“I do not want to Fall”.

I cried silently, so that no one would hear me.

“This isn’t a Life worth Living. I am not Alive”.

Watching the night Sky and the Stars, crying without sound, asking “Help”.

Three Luminous Light Formations appeared in the Night Sky, just for a few seconds, and gone they were. I felt comforted and not alone.

I was heard.

Speedy Evacuation…

I was Pulled out from that “life” into a Void, having no Form, Identity or Vision about the Present, let alone the Future.

Again.

My dreams were Tangible. I was meeting people I didn’t know, but I did.

Entering a mountain and being welcomed by a Friend and an Embrace. “Finally”! Who was that Person?

Being from another World gathering a group of us together. I was trying to Join the Group, but got pulled away from the crowd. A Form was shown to me. In a Tear 💧 shape. Made of Solid Stone. It had inscriptions on it.

“What shall I do with it?”, I asked the Being. With kind shiny face The Being explained, but the moving mouth didn’t utter any Sound.

Visits to Places that weren’t from this World as I knew it. A town with a Harbour by a Water body, which looked like a mixture of Liquid and Light. Unknown substance, but very Beautiful colours.

Someone whispered into my Right Ear words with an unknown Language pointing to the that Town.

I did finally find that Person. Through Synchronicity in a seemingly “Needle in a Haystack” situations. A person on a Mission, bringing Knowledge beyond what I have ever come across before. Or since.

I was touched by it all, like I was remembering.

I Struggled to take the first steps with shaky feet. Nights were tough, my body trampled and muscles switching, releasing the sleepy knots.

The Wave carried me on…

Visitors standing by the bedside “Greetings, we are from the planet A….”.

A smiley face, appearing in the air, known and beautiful, saying “Hi” in the early hours of the morning.

Resting on the couch, falling asleep. Stepping into the room seeing all the furniture having a Silver Lining around them. Beautiful, in its known form as I knew the room, but there was otherworldly Light Shining from the Objects. I was floating through the room,

Crashing back into my body on the couch, somewhat scared. The room was still the same, yet the silver Lining was gone.

Someone, now with a known face, gathering the Silver Cord which was entangled on the living room floor, hurrying to get it straightened. It was My Silver Cord!

A Friend offered to hold me on their Silver Cord, until mine was Healed and Whole.

Slowly, yet with Speed I found my Cord again.

All of me came alive. I was here and now with all of Me.

Then Silence Arrived.

No Vivid dreams.

No visitations ( except a bird flying by, a butterfly sitting on my finger, or an eagle cry echoing by the near by mountain, all of it just at the right moment).

“We can Open the Door for You, but it is You who must walk through it”. I was shown the Future!

I gather my Legs, ground my Feet and Start the Walk. The Journey!

I met the person I had drawn decades back. I didn’t recognize, at first, but my body did. Feeling the movements of the Hand, as I would have been touched. Seeing the cells dance around the round shoulders, sparkling. My cells joining the dance. Hearing the laughter so familiar, bubbling in me too. The footsteps were sweeping the floor as they pulling an invisible Shield, which carried the body. The Voice singing in my ears… So soft.

Stop it. Stop it. I do not know what this is.

My mind struggled to accept what the Body knew.

Eyes met. Burning onto each other, staring. Time stood still for a moment. And another. I stopped on my steps. Who Are You?

I said “hey”. Got a grunt for an answer.

Waited.

“I can’t approach”.

I sat, pretending not watching, seeing. But seeing I did. My body is listening to every movement.

“Will you come closer”?

“No. Just observing”.

I cannot understand what this is. I had forgotten how to trust the Body, the Knowing. So The mind explained it all with Logic based on the Old World.

And I turned my back to the Experience. Convincing myself it was all “fantasy”. With poor results, though…

The Magical Meeting was gone. The whole Place lost its Colours. Substance gone. I felt more alone than ever before.

From there on I lived from moment to moment. Listening. The images, feeling or sensing, and the Whispers are my only Road Signs.

I do this now… Be Here and Now… The Presence…

Moving on Step by step.

Past is Gone. I have no previous Visions of the Future stored. They are gone

Only Images flashing through my Consciousness.

I hold it All in my Heart. Trusting the Talk I now Walk, on the Magical Path is My Path. With every step I take. Until reaching that Place where there is Only BEing.

Cognition.

Will I ever have that Magical meeting again? Fearfully the Shadow Self questions all and everything.

Sshhh….

Past is gone. The future is yet to be born. I got to Only trust, that the I AM Here and the Now Will take me Onwards.

Accepting All that IS in every moment.

This Connection IS with Me.

Forever.

Where Ever I Go

I AM not Alone

I am Thankful.

I AM Alive.

I have been shown so much…

Padma Alba

For #One&Only